My diagnosis

POF

When you google just that the dating website "plenty of fish" comes up.  Let me tell ya'll that is scarier then the kind of POF I have.  (In my opinion)

Premature Ovarian Failure.

Premature ovarian failure is defined as the cessation of menstrual periods before the age of 40. It occurs in 1 in 1,000 women between the ages of 15 and 29 and 1 in 100 women between the ages of 30 and 39. The average age of onset is 27 years.

Daddy always said I've been an over achiever.  Beat that 27 years by 1 year...26!
The next results showed my FSH to be in the 165 and my LH to be 112.  Not to mention my estrogen was only 7.7.  This meant the hard truth.  It was me.  My ovaries failed. POF.
At first I was scared.  Scared of what that meant for my chances of being a mother, seeing as how I now only have a 5% of ever conceiving naturally.  Scared that I would be battling dementia, osteoporosis, diabetes, and tons of other illness at a much younger age.  Scared that I would be looked at like I was weird.  Waittttt...I am already looked at like that...hehe!
Most of all I was scared that I was alone and no one would understand me.  Loneliness is my biggest fear.  Being left out of things, being all alone, feeling lonely, those are the worst things to me. My biggest fear was now the rest of my life...the walls started to close in on me.
..............................................................
..............................................................
*panic attack coming*
..............................................................
..............................................................
 "AND I WILL BE TO HER A WALL OF FIRE ALL AROUND, DECLARES THE LORD, AND I WILL BE THE GLORY IN HER MIDST." Zechariah 2:5


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

In my heart

Image
That's where you are growing. You're in my heart with every pump that gives me life. You're in my dreams every time I doze off into a deep sleep. You're in my thoughts when I look at my empty hands and think how I'll get to hold yours. You're in my words when I talk to anyone about my future, hopes, and plans. You're the reason I was created.  Every fiber of me was made for you .  To be your Mom and for you to be mine .   I smile already thinking of how this world will touch you, and I feel so special knowing it is me that has been chosen to watch this happiness. I vow to celebrate the sunshine of your life everyday.  Whether that comes in sunny days, school grades, or celebrations. I am joyful because of you. I laugh already thinking of how silly you will be, and I feel so joyful knowing it is me that has been chosen to enjoy life with you.  I vow to laugh until we cry all the time.  Whether that comes in funny jokes, my goofiness, or ...
Read more

The best journey takes you HOME

Image
Words can't express how grateful, excited, and emotional we were getting these done by such a great friend. She poured her heart in soul in all our photos, and it showed! At one point she said "Ok let's get momma over here in front of the chair..." and for the first time ever I got excited hearing that word MOMMA . We are gonna be parents one day. Momma and Dadda . The best kind of journey takes you HOME.
Read more

Refuge

Image
This blog has been my place of refuge. My place where I can break down yet still feel taller than the skyscrapers. My place where I can be angry with the world, yet find peace. My place where I can yell at the top of my lungs for the world to hear, yet whisper things I only want myself to know. It’s the place where I’ve always been, 100% TRUE TO MYSELF. What’s being true to myself even mean though? It’s funny how life TRULY works. We all get so caught up (I’m GUILTY AS CHARGED) in our lives “plan” . We’ve got dream boards everywhere . We compare ourselves to our friend’s lives . We try to measure up to what our parents told us we should be. We find that quote on Pinterest and live roughly 7 hours positively till we see that person on Insta who’s killing the game of life . We remember all the peoples “well wishes” or “congratulations” when we hit milestones . We push ourselves forward with the condolences from loved ones during the rough patches . We get angry and entit...
Read more