In my heart

That's where you are growing.

You're in my heart with every pump that gives me life.
You're in my dreams every time I doze off into a deep sleep.
You're in my thoughts when I look at my empty hands and think how I'll get to hold yours.
You're in my words when I talk to anyone about my future, hopes, and plans.

You're the reason I was created.  Every fiber of me was made for you.  To be your Mom and for you to be mine.  
I smile already thinking of how this world will touch you, and I feel so special knowing it is me that has been chosen to watch this happiness. I vow to celebrate the sunshine of your life everyday.  Whether that comes in sunny days, school grades, or celebrations. I am joyful because of you.
I laugh already thinking of how silly you will be, and I feel so joyful knowing it is me that has been chosen to enjoy life with you.  I vow to laugh until we cry all the time.  Whether that comes in funny jokes, my goofiness, or your daddy's dance moves. I am full of life because of you.
I struggle already thinking of how angry you will get, but I feel peace knowing it is me that will guide you through those rough waters.  I vow to hold you through all the storms that will shake you.  Whether that comes in disappointment, passion, or loved ones.  I am steady for you.
I cry already thinking of how this world will hurt you, but I feel mighty knowing it is me that has been chosen to protect you.  I vow to defend you from the heartbreak, nightmares, and darkness.  Whether that comes in people, the night, or your fears. I am mighty for you.

I never knew how much I could love something, till you.  My heart beats a different beat now. It beats to the countdown of the days, till YOU. 
The entire universe is maneuvering and the stars are aligning till the exact moment that you become mine. 
You're already in my heart, and someday soon you'll be in my arms, and I'll never let you go because it is you that makes me whole.
For This Child We Have Prayed:

Comments

  1. Hi there! My name is Callie Picarella. I know this may seem a bit strange being that you don't know me, however after reading your blog we have a lot in common. I came across your blog when I was browsing on Pinterest. I too have Pre Ovarian Failure and found out in August 2016 just six months after my husband and I got married. It's by far the most devestating news that makes you feel like you have been robbed of your future as a newly wedded couple.

    Although I've made lots of friendships with gals suffering from infertility over the past almost year I haven't met anyone around my age that has the same condition. I too have a blog and provided the link below if you would like to read my story.

    http://allyouneedisone16.blogspot.com/?m=1

    Best Regards,
    Callie Picarella

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so glad you found me Callie! This is truly the hardest thing I've ever gone through in my life. In the beginning I was in such a dark place, as I'm sure you were, and I hit rock bottom. However, we go through these troubled waters not to be drowned but to be cleansed. <3 EVERYONE has a purpose and this just sets us up for ours. It makes you realize we humans are not in control...AT ALL! So glad I've got another sister in this.
      Going to read your blog NOW! Can't wait!

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    2. I am glad I found you also! I spent almost seven months grieving the news and I didn't really realize it until I hit rock bottom as well. It's just unexplainable unless you are down the same road. You are correct about purpose I wish I knew now what that was, but in due time it will all come to light. You most certainly have a sister in this!! Hope you enjoyed the blog!! ;)

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