Infertility Club


She's Broken...

As she watches her friends and family announce their pregnancies.
As she goes to another doctor's appointment getting the what ifs.
As she learns this is it, no kids to bare or have naturally.
As she walks through work with her head in a cloud of despair.
As she goes in for her procedure that has a roughly 60% success rate and wondering if that'll be her.
As she googles and researches with tears in her eyes things she should never have to.
As she longs for a family she won't ever get.
As she hears the words "Mommy" from the kids around her.
As she cries herself to sleep knowing the heartache may always be there.
As she watches her child and wonders can we have another?
As she pokes herself with the needles and takes the pills that control her body.
As she feels like a failure to her husband who thought this would be easy.
As she waits for the weeks after IVF to see if it was all for nothing.
As she knows this is her last try, for the rest of her life. 

BUT

She's Brave...

As she celebrates her friends and families special moments smiling.
As she leaves the doctors office confident in God's plan.
As she closes the door to one option quietly and moves on to the next.
As she walks through work smiling and brightening others day's.
As she strongly goes in for a procedure despite the scary 40% failure rate.
As she researches to gain knowledge to make the best decision for her family.
As she prays for her family and what's to come.
As she hears the words "Mommy" from her little miracle.
As she cries herself to sleep, and gets up knowing it's a beautiful brand new day.
As she cuddles her furkids and husband.
As she beats up her body and foregos her emotions for her family's sake.
As she listens to her carefree husband talk about everything under the sun.
As she gets a let down and decides to try again and again.
As she loves her family holding them tight, knowing she's got something special for the rest of her life.

Infertility is a word for a completely different world. Unless you've lived in it, its hard to understand. It's a world bogged down with heavy gray clouds that make it hard to breathe and see. A world with dark cobblestone roads filled with broken streetlights and no one to repair them.  A world where you constantly watch your hopes fly away and know they will never float back down. It's a world where sadness rains down on you soaking you to the bone. It's a world that some women live in for years, while some visit for just a few months. It's a world you may get out of for sometime, then it'll call you back in.  It's a world that women live in but all the while are supposed to keep everything  together and smile for the rest of the world to see.
I read once this..."There is a unique pain that comes from preparing a place in your heart, for a child that may never come."

So to those living in the world of infertility, yes you are broken...so deeply broken.
But most of all...YOU ARE BRAVE.

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