Menopause at 26

I'm fine. That's what I tell my husband, family, friends, and any one who asks.  I'm fine. Isn't that what we all do?  It's not socially correct when asked "How are you?" to actually unleash the truth .  If someone asked me today "How are you?" and I was socially incorrect I would answer with something much different then "I'm fine." It would be more like this... I'm crushed.  I have days were I hate myself and blame myself for every wrinkle in anyone's day... as minuscule as an upset with friends or my husband not having a clean house.  I have a heart ache that makes it hurt to breathe at times.  My anxiety has been so bad that I forgot what a true deep breath feels like.  I'm slipping back to a bad place that I was at four months ago.  A dark world when everything changed in life as I knew it.  I see people happy, living life, making memories, and laughing throughout the day.  That happiness has slipped away

She's Broken... As she watches her friends and family announce their pregnancies. As she goes to another doctor's appointment getting the what ifs. As she learns this is it, no kids to bare or have naturally. As she walks through work with her head in a cloud of despair. As she goes in for her procedure that has a roughly 60% success rate and wondering if that'll be her. As she googles and researches with tears in her eyes things she should never have to. As she longs for a family she won't ever get. As she hears the words "Mommy" from the kids around her. As she cries herself to sleep knowing the heartache may always be there. As she watches her child and wonders can we have another? As she pokes herself with the needles and takes the pills that control her body. As she feels like a failure to her husband who thought this would be easy. As she waits for the weeks after IVF to see if it was all for nothing. As she k

Raise your hand if you have ever said..."GOD WHY ME, WHY THIS?" *all limbs of mine are in the air* Friday I had my BIG doctor's appointment.  They went over the 1223 blood tests they ran. (Just kidding there was only like 50) They brought in all the doctors.  They checked my...you know what.  I sat there on that crunchy paper like a spectacle in my gown open on the front for all these professionals to poke at, and they did. Then they read my now HUGE file folder that will follow me everywhere I go. (Hey teachers, I call it my RTI tier 3 packet) Then they went over EVERYTHING.  This took 2 hours, no joke. 1 in 1,000 women get premature ovarian failure between ages of 20-29.  That means I am ACTUALLY .1%.  I gotta go buy a lottery ticket or something because clearly the odds are EVER in my FAVOR. In that .1% of women pof is almost always caused by either autoimmune diseases, toxins, chromosomal defects, hereditary, ovarian surgeries, and chemo radiation.  I even asked

This one is for YOU... Thank you for reading all my blog posts and allowing me to share my beautiful disaster with you. Thank you for letting me talk about myself till I was blue in the face, and then more. Thank you for reaching out even though we haven't talked for years or even if we see each other everyday. Thank you for asking how I was in the mornings as I stumbled in with a fake smile. Thank you for listening to my corny puns that made no sense but made me feel better. Thank you for looking at me with eyes that filled with tears to show you felt a piece of my hurt. Thank you for answering the MANY facetime calls that started and ended with tears even though it was your dinner time. Thank you for always changing the subject back to me, when I just repeated the same thing over and over again. Thank you for hugging me when I could barely stand up on my own two feet. Thank you for sharing your day to day life with me to keep my mind off my own day to day life. Thank

What would you do if after 7 doctor visits, they brought in the big wigs and pulled up those backless rolling chairs and said "I'm so sorry to tell you but you will never be able to have kids of your own." Like actually take a minute to sit and marinate on that. It's over.  These common sayings would never be reality to me..."Wow baby girl has my eyes." or "She's got her momma's tan skin."  or even "She's a spit fire like me, it runs in the family." Then they tell you no IVF will work, your AMH was too low to do ovary stimulating drugs, and your egg reservoir is diminished.  NO MORE OF ME. There are more tear stains on my car steering wheel then there is fishing lures in my garage...and ya'll know that is A LOT What would you honestly do? I prayed...and God gave me this... "This life is not yours to live in vain." I prayed again...and cried some more. Then God gave me this... "This life is not yo

If you want to whoop Menopause's butt at any age... If you want to lose those 10 lbs that can't seem to fall off... If you want to only have to work out 4 times a week and see results... If you want to get out of your emotional funk... If you want to feel like people actually care about you being the best you... Do Orangetheory. I was terrified when I joined that first week in February for so many reasons. The money, the "gym-timidation", those weights, running, and most of all MY HEALTH. But I did it, and I'll never look back. It's a mixture of treadmill, weight floor, and row machine. So it's cardio and toning all in one.  DO not let this scare you.  80% of the people walk on the treadmill and the coaches AND TVs show you exactly what to do for the whole hour. I hit rock bottom before I started going to this gym, and though no one there knew what I was going through they lifted me up each and every day. The coaches there are truly passion