STRONG


"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"

That's what they all say right?

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"

WRONG 

Reality? You never know how WEAK you are until being strong is the choice you should have made.

I could sit here and tell you all that I was strong when my hormones took over my body and made me crash.
I could tell you that I was strong when I saw my friends families and my family growing and my own didn't.
I could say that I was strong when my marriage started cracking under the pressure of infertility.
I could even say that I was strong and met everyday with a brave face and a hopeful heart....


But then I'd be weak and a liar. 


I was weak and hated my body every time I looked into the mirror thanks to my stupid hormones.
I was weak and sobbed when I was surrounded by so many of my loved ones happiness. 
I was weak and turned away from a good man all because I couldn't see straight through my flaws of infertility.
I was weak when I woke up with a heavy heart and bitterness that you could see written all over my face...

I am not a liar.  So I'll say it--I was weak.  I was weak to the point it makes me sick thinking about the damage I did to myself, the time I wasted, and the emotions I succumbed to. I was so weak I wasn't even myself anymore.  I lost myself and "infertility" won.   

So now typically there would be a lesson of strength and how I turned the "frown upside down" and kicked my hormones butt.... there's not.

Sometimes you will crash and burn.  Sometimes you will fall into a pit of despair.  Sometimes you may even run so far away that you lose yourself.  Sometimes you will scream and destroy all the good you had.

Sometimes every time you will still be you...the same (in my case) 26 year old girl who loves Bravo and popcorn.  The same 26 year old girl who loves to cuddle her animals and is a messy eater.  The same 26 year old who cries at the drop of a dime and is needy.  The same 26 year old girl who went into this season of her life thinking "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"

YOU'LL STILL BE YOU.


Let yourself crash and burn.  Watch yourself fall into that pit of despair.  Run as far as you can.  Lose your voice and break a sweat from screaming and destroying all that good you had.  
JUST KNOW...It's no one's job to love you, except you. Life's messy and it always will be.  It's all about being one of God's masterpieces.  
Masterpieces are some of the messiest, most painful, exhausting things created.  It weakens the people involved and the worst parts of them try to take over; their weaknesses.  

But when that masterpiece is finally finished...that person, those people,YOU come out stronger, wiser, and happier than you ever thought possible. I'm not telling anyone to be strong...all I'm saying is don't give up...you are a MASTERPIECE.


Image result for god's masterpiece ephesians


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