Menopause at 26

This blog has been my place of refuge. My place where I can break down yet still feel taller than the skyscrapers. My place where I can be angry with the world, yet find peace. My place where I can yell at the top of my lungs for the world to hear, yet whisper things I only want myself to know. It’s the place where I’ve always been, 100% TRUE TO MYSELF. What’s being true to myself even mean though? It’s funny how life TRULY works. We all get so caught up (I’m GUILTY AS CHARGED) in our lives “plan” . We’ve got dream boards everywhere . We compare ourselves to our friend’s lives . We try to measure up to what our parents told us we should be. We find that quote on Pinterest and live roughly 7 hours positively till we see that person on Insta who’s killing the game of life . We remember all the peoples “well wishes” or “congratulations” when we hit milestones . We push ourselves forward with the condolences from loved ones during the rough patches . We get angry and entit

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have" That's what they all say right? "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have" WRONG   Reality? You never know how WEAK you are until being strong is the choice you should have made. I could sit here and tell you all that I was strong when my hormones took over my body and made me crash. I could tell you that I was strong when I saw my friends families and my family growing and my own didn't. I could say that I was strong when my marriage started cracking under the pressure of infertility. I could even say that I was strong and met everyday with a brave face and a hopeful heart.... But then I'd be weak and a liar.  I was weak and hated my body every time I looked into the mirror thanks to my stupid hormones. I was weak and sobbed when I was surrounded by so many of my loved ones happiness. 

hol·i·day ˈhäləˌdā noun noun: holiday ; plural noun: holidays   1. a day of festivity or recreation when no work is done All you hear is "it's the most wonderful time of the year". It's when adjectives such as festive, jolly, merry, and magical are used in every other sentence. Festivities are had from October till January 1st.  " a day of festivity or recreation when no work is done " " a day of festivity or recreation when no work is done " " a day of festivity or recreation when no work is done " " a day of festivity or recreation when no work is done  when one has to work to fake they’re not in pain " Holidays quickly become "Hell-idays" for people with pain. It's all about being cheerful and positive during the holidays... You want me to be cheerful about all the kids with my family and friends I see during the holidays? When instead I'm fearful that